


Feathers

by cthuloops



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Big Brother Gabriel, Brothers, Brotp, Family Feels, Feels, Gen, Sad Castiel, Spoilers for Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-03 11:50:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cthuloops/pseuds/cthuloops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In between 'Changing Channels' and 'Hammer of the Gods', Gabriel and Castiel meet once more. For old time's sake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feathers

“—Gabriel.”

On the one hand, Castiel was a bit pleased to see his elder brother, after he’d been missing for so long. But on the other, he was still not very happy about the whole “television-land” incident. (That silver tape had hurt.) So he settled for a vaguely pouty stare at the Archangel.

Gabriel leaned back in his chair, lollipop in mouth, several more resting in his breast pocket. He gave his younger brother a smirk before heaving a sigh and standing up to approach Castiel.

“Heyya, Cassie.” He replied in a soft voice, tiptoeing over something he didn’t want Castiel to know. His expression remained the same regardless, giving no indication that he was hiding anything.

Thankfully for Gabriel, his younger brother wasn’t quite an expert on the nuances of voice and expressions yet, so if there was something the Archangel was hiding, he didn’t quite pick up on it yet.

“…It’s been a very long time.” Castiel said after a moment. While he was somewhat annoyed with Gabriel’s antics, he was still family (and if the Winchesters taught him anything, it’s that you tend to forgive family no matter what.)

“It’s good to see you again.”

“You’re tellin’ me. Last time we saw each other, you three amigos almost left me to rot in a ring of fire.” Gabe’s response was a failed attempt at being lighthearted, and his brown eyes were heavy. “But it’s good to see you too, Castiel.How’s tricks?”

“…My apologies, Gabriel.” Castiel shifted slightly, looking contrite. He really hadn’t had anything to do with capturing Gabriel, but it was true that it wasn’t like he had tried to stop the Winchesters, so there was that. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

This time, the darkness in his elder’s eyes doesn’t go completely unnoticed, but he refrained from saying anything for lack of words to use (He’s at least occasionally that self-aware). Instead, he furrowed his brow in confusion.

“…Tricks?” He asked, not sure what Gabriel meant. “I don’t understand.”

Gabriel chuckled. The truth was, he had seen the end. After all, those were the perks that came with being an Archangel and moonlighting as a Trickster.

He saw how it would all turn out. And he really was going to miss this place.

“Tricks, kiddo. What has your feathery ass been up to since last time?”

And perhaps he would miss Castiel and the Winchesters most of all.

“Oh.” Sometimes Gabriel was hard to understand, but that was something he’d always been—nothing new about that.

“I’m still searching for God, Gabriel.” Replied Castiel with a slight frown. Gabriel knew that, didn’t he? Oh well, no harm in explaining again.

Not that it was going well, and despite his efforts, his exhaustion and frustration showed in his face. It was momentary, though, and he tried to look at least somewhat cheerful—Gabriel seemed down, so he could at least try not to be a downer himself.

Gabriel didn’t like to think about how long he would look until he finally gave up. Cassie was loyal, he knew. Maybe sometimes too loyal. But Gabriel forced a smile and gave Castiel a halfhearted wink regardless.

“’Course you are. How about you take a break for a while?” Gabe asked. He knew it wasn’t the best idea, but he wanted to talk to Castiel-- not about anything in particular, but just to talk again would make everything worth it. Castiel was the only one he really had left. “C’mon, Feathers. One more go, you and me, for old times’ sake.”

The angels looked at one another with a smile. When Castiel was a mere fledgling, Gabriel had taken care of him. They hadn’t spent any time together since. And that was thousands of years ago.

Castiel gave his brother a short nod of agreement before finally replying,”Alright Gabriel. For old time’s sake.”

It was a relief to hear Castiel agree. He would never admit it, but next to Lucifer and Balthazar, Castiel was one of his favorite siblings even if he was a weird pain in the ass sometimes.

“National Cathedral?” He asked, remembering his brother’s love for churches.

Gabriel had been to DC several times before in his life, and while he preferred New Orleans at Mardi Gras, this was nice too. Calm

Castiel was startled at the sudden change in location, as Gabriel hadn’t bothered waiting for his answer. But he was pleased, nonetheless. He turned to thank Gabriel for being thoughtful enough to actually remember something like this, but Gabriel spoke first.

“What’s it like, Castiel? Being so close to humans?” Gabriel hadn’t meant for the question to slip out, but he was curious. Sure, he’d been mingling around the species since the dawn of their birth, longer than Castiel, but never once had it occurred to him to form any sort of connection with anyone personally, as Castiel so easily had with the boys.

“It’s… interesting.” The younger angel began. Trying to put his relationship with the Winchesters into words was difficult, but for Gabriel’s sake, he did his best.

“They… it’s hard to understand them sometimes, the things they do and why they do them. They seem ruled by their emotions… it’s very different from what i'm used to.But they… their capacity to overcome anything that happens to them, and to care so much, it’s incredible. Overwhelming at times, but incredible.” Castiel smiled again, almost enthusiastic. Happy to speak about humans-- especially the two he considered ‘his’.

“Humans are complex.” Gabriel began after popping a lollipop into his mouth with an audible click. “But I think that’s why Dad loves them so much.” Castiel noticed that Gabriel refrained from using the past tense of “love”, but didn’t say anything. He watched as the smile Gabriel was wearing soon faded.

Gabriel was thinking about how different things could be, how different he could be and his life could be if he had just formed a ‘profound bond’ with someone.

Cas wasn’t well adjusted but… he was better.

“I think so, too.” Castiel agreed fondly. Their Father had made humans in His image, and loved them. He was glad Gabriel did, too.

He lowered himself down to sit next to Gabriel, leaning his head back to watch the clouds move lazily across the afternoon sky. It was comfortable, just he and his brother like this. Something he genuinely had missed.

As much as he cared for the Winchesters, they weren’t…really the best at being quiet. And when they were, it was usually because something was wrong, which wasn’t at all the kind of quiet one would enjoy.

No, this was companionable and pleasant.

The pleasant silence crumbled when Gabriel spoke next.

“You know why I ran away, right? Why I had to?” He braced himself to be called ‘selfish’, to be called names and for Cas to fly off. But he wanted to explain. Last time he had the chance to, he hadn’t done so appropriately. Gabriel was strong, this was true. But contrary to popular belief, he did have feelings too. Living among humans as a pagan god for thousands of years would do that to you.

Castiel didn’t deny that Gabriel’s departure, sudden and complete, had hurt him. It had hurt all of them; Gabriel was an Archangel, one of the most beloved of all of the Host- they had already lost Lucifer. He shut his eyes, his expression pained as he remembered.

“I… can’t really say I know for certain why you did, Gabriel.” Castiel began hesitantly. “But with… things as they are now, my own departure from Heaven… I believe I am beginning to understand.” He looked down again, awkward, and toyed with the belt of his trenchcoat fixedly.

Gabriel heaved a sigh, not out of necessity, but habit, and stretched out onto his back. He closed his eyes and focused on the sound of the streets below them. There was something strangely calming about the sound of a busy city, Gabriel always thought, though many other angels would care to disagree.

He could hear the hesitancy in Castiels voice as his brother spoke, so he opened his eyes and looked sideways at him. His vessels hair flopped into his eyes before he brushed it away wish his hand. He couldn’t be bothered to cut it or zap it away; Gabriel was much too fond of the hair.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Feathers, but,” Gabriel cleaned his throat a few times in that pause. “I think you made the right choice.”

It was something that one angel would never say to another after ones departure from their Home. But Gabriel felt like Castiel needed to hear it. He meant it, too. Gabriel really did feel like Castiel made the right decision to stay out of heaven, though that may have just been a biased opinion.

After all, who didn’t want a little brother that followed in their footsteps? Or in an angels case, wingbeats?

There was a war going on in Heaven, what with angels choosing sides to fight on. There were angels dying and fighting among themselves in only ways angels can. Gabriel may have stopped riding the angel waves a while ago, but he still had his sources. He knew what was going on up there, and what would inevitably happen down here.

Castiel didn’t look up, but a sad smile flickered across his face. It was strange, to be honest — he felt like he’d always been seeking approval from his elder brothers and sisters; always wanted some kind of acknowledgement that his choices and decisions had been the right ones. And it was only after he’d made the choice to act for himself for the first time, and Fallen, that one of his elders had expressed that approval. That was…what Dean called ‘irony’, wasn’t it?

"I’m…thank you for saying that." He looked up at the sky again, squinting at it now as if it would somehow solve everything. Of course it wouldn’t, but staring at it accusingly felt good.

Another sigh escaped Gabriel as he spoke again.

“I left because I wanted peace when no one else did. That probably sounds funny, coming from me. But you’ve seen it up there, Cassie. All the fighting. It just started feeling like some sick routine. I didn’t want to leave my family, you know. I loved you guys. I still do  love you guys. And like I said before, seeing so many of my brothers and sisters dying…”

He felt selfish again, something Dean had pointed out to him in TV land. None of this was about him. It was about family, and finding something to fight for. Now he knew what he was fighting for.

When Gabriel sighed, he turned, shifting his position and sitting cross-legged against the parapet beside him, staring at the elder’s prone form. He listened to his words, finding himself agreeing. The fighting, it was terrible. He’d been blind to it for so long, accepting, even — but now, after the initial seeds of doubt and questioning had been planted, he could see how it had always been, like a curtain had been pulled away. His family had always been fighting, and the fighting hadn’t ended with Lucifer’s fall — it had just…changed.

He looked down pensively, chewing on his lip and trying to find words again. “I…don’t want to watch my brothers and sisters die, either. And I don’t want humans to die…I don’t want anyone else to die.” He stopped, running a hand across his face. “I want peace, too. That’s why I’m helping the Winchesters, that’s why I’m looking for God….because maybe we can find a way to stop anyone else from dying.”

He meant it, with all his heart, too. Death was sometimes unavoidable, but Castiel hated it. Hated death. And he understood at least that part of Gabriel’s reasons — it was terrible to watch those you care about dying, being killed. But he wasn’t going to run away from it; he wanted to do whatever he could to fix things, to stop all the dying.

"I don’t know how to save anyone, either." He added softly, almost childish in tone. "But we can try, can’t we?"

It was difficult for Gabriel to listen to Castiel’s words without wanting to run and hide— again. Kali had told him once that’s all he’s good at. Running, hiding. Before she even knew who he really was, she still knew he was hiding from something. Was it really that obvious?

In truth, he was proud of Castiel, probably prouder than he should have been for a Fallen One. Castiel was doing exactly what Gabriel didn’t have the guts to do. He was standing up to his family, with a little bit of help from the humans. It’s been pointed out to Gabriel before, by multiple people, angels, Gods, that he could easily change things if he wanted to. He was powerful.

It wasn’t that easy. At least Castiel could understand that.

“’Course, Feathers. ‘Course we’ll try.”

His voice broke, cracked, but he cleared his throat, trying to distract both Castiel and himself from the emotion that was showing through.

Oh how he wished it was that easy. How he wished he could easily change things with the snap of his fingers like he did for Sam Winchester. But some things just didn’t work like that. Some things God does not want to have changed. The apocalypse was one of those things.

Gabriel had the ability to see how it all ended as it was in that very moment. He knew who would give themselves up to who, who would die, who would be lost. What would be lost. But those things, those things were allowed to change. A butterfly flaps its wings in Africa, and it snows in Chicago. Father has always made sure of that.

Stopping the apocalypse entirely? Out of the question.

“How do you plan on finding God anyway, Cassie?” Gabriel asked after a moment.

Despite Gabriel’s attempt to cover it up, Castiel was able to sense the distress in his voice, and he shifted almost guiltily. He had grown sensitive, recently, to upsetting people, and he didn’t like it. Especially when it was his older brother.

He bit his lip at the question, chewing on it hesitantly before fumbling in his coat pocket for the cool piece of metal that sat there and drawing it out, the gold charm sitting atop the coiled dark cord it hung on in his palm as he showed it to Gabriel.

"This." He began slowly. "It’s…it should grow warm in our Father’s presence. I…I borrowed it from Dean W- Dean." He corrected himself quickly, reminded that Gabriel knew the brothers — he didn’t have to use their full name around him. And perhaps the pendant would be familiar to him too? Dean wore it near-constantly; or he had, before giving it to Castiel. He still felt a little…a little like he carried a part of Dean around, and he felt like he should return it, like Dean needed it back, but he couldn’t, not until it fulfilled its purpose for him.

He hurriedly slipped it back into his coat pocket, hands returning to his lap with an anxious flutter. There went his desire for approval again. He knew Gabriel thought his search for their Father pointless, and would continue it anyway, despite that, but…

At the same time, he wanted his brother to acknowledge that he was doing something useful, something that might help. Something that could stop this. Even if Gabriel didn’t believe it himself, Castiel wanted reassurance that he could believe it. It was selfish, he reprimanded himself. You aren’t doing this for yourself, Castiel, you’re doing it to save them, to save everyone. Don’t be foolish. Even so, he desperately wanted someone to tell him he was doing the right thing in doing this.

"I’m— I’m still searching. But He must be out there somewhere, Gabriel. He must be." It was his own voice’s turn to quake slightly, and he swallowed reflexively. "He has to be.”

Before Castiel even pulled the amulet out of his trench-coat pocket, Gabriel knew what it was. That old amulet that Dean carried ‘round his neck, given to him by Sam when they were just kids. He could sense its power every time they got near enough to him. It was strange, though. He could no longer feel anything radiating off of it. Now, it just seemed… plain.

Surely Castiel could feel that too. But Gabriel couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, there was still hope with that little chunk of carved out metal. If Castiel believed, why couldn’t he?

“Trust me, Cas. He’s out there. I know he’s out there. I can feel it too.”

He had never been as close to his father as Michael or Raphael or even Lucifer. He was the youngest, the least powerful Archangel. That didn’t make him any less of an archangel, though. He could still feel his fathers presence. It was faint, almost like it was just a lingering memory, but it was still there. He knew his father wouldn’t abandon everyone, everything, without reason.

After all, he loved humans. So did Gabriel, even though he showed it in his own twisted ways. He did love humans, all of them. And if Castiel was willing to risk his own ass to save them, well, why should Gabriel be any different?

“What if I told you i’m willing to help you? ”

Years ago, Gabriel would have never thought that his younger brother would be teaching him things, telling him things he needed to hear, encouraging him to make the right choices. Maybe that’s what he’s always needed. Encouragement that he never had.

Castiel looked up again at Gabriel, hope in his expression. He’d…Gabriel was willing to help? He hadn’t expected that at all, not in the least. He’d accepted — though reluctantly — that his older brother had decided to stay out of this. To avoid the conflict. He’d been disappointed, and had hoped he’d change his mind, of course, but hadn’t really expected it.

This was more than he’d been expecting out of this conversation, and he was…happy. Definitely happy.

A genuine smile formed on his face, a rare thing even in less grim times. “I’d like that, Gabriel.” He said sincerely. “I’d very much like your help.”

The more time he spent with his older brother now, the more he realized how much he’d missed him in the span of time he’d been away. Gabriel had been one of the very few siblings Castiel was close to, and his leaving…well, that seemed to be in the past, now, at least.

Now Gabriel was here, and he was offering to help. Help look for their Father, help stop this Apocalypse. It was something he’d never expected to happen, and he probably couldn’t properly express how grateful he was that it had without doing something embarrassing, like hugging Gabriel. (Very tempting, but probably not going to happen.)

The only thing that Gabriel could so was smirk and give Castiel a half-hearted shrug. Really, it was the least that he could do. After finding out Gabriel was still alive back in TV land, Castiel hadn’t reported back to heaven to tell them where he was, what he was doing. That could have meant the difference between life or death for Gabriel. And he appreciated it.

Gabriel cleared his throat and leaned against one of the pillars of the Cathedral with his head back. There was so much he wished to tell Castiel. Aside from saying “thanks”, which, of course, was not in Gabriel’s personality at all. He wanted to tell him he was sorry, and given everything that has happened, Castiel was still his family.

Of course, Gabriel wasn’t one for heartfelt confessions. He preferred to stay quiet and let most of his emotions simmer. Everyone was better that way…

“I, uh… I think i’ve got a plan, Feathers.”

And he did. He still had connections with the Pagans, and of course, his old flame Kali. If he could somehow get the boys to the Elysian Fields without those morons eating them before he could get to them…

He knew it would end there. He knew it would have to end there, with him, with Lucifer. The only thing he didn’t know was how. Lucifer would follow wherever Sam was, as Sam was his true vessel. But Gabriel didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want to leave, to die at the hands of his brother.

Sometimes you just have to find a cause. This was his.

“You just gotta promise me… You can’t come and save them this time. I’ll take care of that. But I can’t risk your feathery ass getting hurt too. Heaven has lost enough angels.”

Gabriel tried to make this sound as lighthearted as possible, smirking and giving Castiel a wink. He knew it would be hard for Cas to stay away from them. They were his friends, and Gabriel would go so far as to say they were family to Cassie.

Castiel’s smile faltered as Gabriel spoke. A plan…a plan was good, but the way he said the rest…it worried him. I mean, clearly it involved putting Dean and Sam in danger, but he couldn’t go to help…

He’d trust Gabriel, though. His older brother deserved that much. As much as this worried him, he’d give him the benefit of the doubt. He had a plan, and he’d take care of the boys. That was good enough for Castiel. (Admittedly, he was wont to trust people easily as a general rule, but Gabriel of all people he knew wouldn’t let him down.)

He nodded slowly. “Alright. I promise.” He replied. “Keep them safe, though, Gabriel.” He’d put far too much work in protecting Dean and Sam Winchester at this point, and he cared about both hunters far too much. He didn’t want them to die.

He didn’t want Gabriel to die either, though. Heaven has lost enough angels…Castiel wasn’t stupid, and he knew that didn’t sound right.

"Keep yourself safe, too." He added, looking over at Gabriel. He’d just gotten his favorite older brother back; he didn’t want to lose him again, and this time it would be permanently. No finding him in some Midwest town playing harass-the-Winchesters. No nothing.

He didn’t know why he was so worried about this all of a sudden, but perhaps watching the Winchesters had made him miss having a brother, really having one, more than he’d realized.

"I don’t want any of you hurt." He continued, looking away. If he was right, and Gabriel was planning something stupid or dangerous, he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to worry more than he was already, and he didn’t want to sit and wait and know that Gabriel wasn’t coming back, instead of just suspecting. “Alright?”

Even if it would be broken, getting a promise out of the archangel would make him feel a little better.

Gabriel hesitated. Castiel sounded distraught, almost. And Gabriel would be the last to admit that damn it, hearing Cas like that hurt like a son of a bitch. He hadn’t meant to make this harder for him. That’s the last thing he ever intended to do. He just wanted this all to be over. The Apocalypse, the angels dying, heaven going into all out Civil War mode.

He left, ran away, because he was too scared to fight back. He didn’t want to hurt his brothers. Hell, he didn’t want to hurt anyone. It was time to stand up and fight like the Winchesters did, like Castiel did. He was so tired of running and hiding out by the sidelines to watch as the world and Heaven itself went to complete horseshit.

Sighing, Gabriel looked up and put a reassuring hand on Castiel’s shoulders, chuckling and smiling and shaking his head like everything was going to be alright. Like it would all be over soon.

“I’m a trickster, Cassie. I’ll be fine.”

Lies. He didn’t know he’d be fine. If there was one angel that was hard to trick that wasn’t him, it was Lucifer. It was even harder for him  to trick Lucifer. But whatever— anything to help ease Castiel’s worries. That way he would be less inclined to come after the boys, and Gabe himself, when the Hammer of the Gods came swinging downward.

“I’ll do what I can, little brother. I promise.”

Not empty, not broken, no lies. Gabriel would do what he could to keep the boys alive. He would do what he could to stop his brother, to save himself.

Castiel had been right — he wasn’t at all reassured by Gabriel’s words. They both knew he wouldn’t be fine, but he allowed it to reassure him a little anyway, turning a little to smile sadly at his older brother. That’s what older brothers were supposed to do, wasn’t it? Lie and say things were okay. And little brothers were supposed to lie and say they believed that.

That’s how the Winchesters worked, at least, and it made enough sense to Castiel.

"Thank you, Gabriel." He murmured his reply, leaning slightly into Gabriel’s hand on his shoulders, trying to absorb all the comfort he possibly could before Gabriel left, possibly for the last time.

But then Gabriel pulled him into an awkward hug, and without even thinking, Castiel’s arms came up to return the gesture. He wasn’t used to hugging someone or being hugged, but he knew the motions, and there was no way he wouldn’t return this.

He rested his head on his older (but shorter) brother’s shoulder, swallowing sudden emotion. Perhaps now he understood a little better the seemingly irrational relationship between Dean and Sam; if this is what they felt on occasion, he could understand their behavior regarding each other a bit better.

He clung to Gabriel a bit longer than strictly necessary, knowing full well this wouldn’t happen again, but finally let go, managing a neutral expression despite unnamed emotion whirling in his head. Gabriel would leave, and possibly not come back. But he knew this was something the archangel had to do, so he’d let him. It would be reluctant, but he’d let him.

(No, said the very stubborn part of him that sounded a little like Dean, he didn’t have to, there’s gotta be another way. But in this case, there wasn’t.)

"Good luck, brother." He said finally, and when he smiled again he knew his face wasn’t hiding what he was feeling, but he sort of wanted Gabriel to see it. So his older brother knew that he was forgiven for leaving, that Castiel was proud to have him as a brother, that…well, a lot of things he couldn’t put into words, but he wanted Gabriel to know nonetheless.

It was hard to let go. If there was one thing that Gabriel had learned from all of this, from running away and joining the Pagans, to messing with the Winchesters and asking his brother for one last talk, it was that letting go was the single hardest thing he would have to do in his life.

He would brave it, but only for his family. Not the Pagans. Not Michael or the Devil. But for Castiel, and the Winchester brothers.

They taught him to stand up for what was right, even if that meant risking your own angelic ass. They taught him how important family was— even those that he hadn’t spoken to in ages, literally, and those that weren’t even of the same species.

In that last hug, that last smile that Castiel took special care to flash him, Gabriel knew he had been forgiven.

That’s all the reassurance he needed.

“— Catch you on the flip side, Feathers.”

Gabriel smiled at Castiel one last time before raising his hand and snapping his fingers together, dissolving into static and leaving Castiel alone.

He never did see Cassie after that.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this. It was based on a roleplay. I really liked it a lot so I turned it into a fic. Special thanks to tumblr user "angelus-errans" for providing the Castiel parts


End file.
